4 Ways to Communicate Consciously in the Workplace
Not many people have heard of the term “conscious communication”, and to be honest it’s taken me a solid year to fully understand the meaning of this concept and properly apply it in my own life. For starters, consciously communicating with your colleagues or direct reports isn’t something that just happens overnight. Just like any new skill, this one requires some practice.
By definition, conscious communication is our ability to clearly and compassionately communicate with ourselves as well as others.
Sounds pretty simple — and before we get into the 4 ways you can start consciously communicating with those in the workplace, I think it’s important to first identify some traits of unconscious communication to help you become aware of the more subtle cues we possess as humans.
Unconscious Cues
Body Language
Looking back to our ancestors, long before the evolution of language itself, we could read someone’s energy based on their power dynamic, the way they presented themselves in front of others and how they participated in certain activities. According to Alex Pentland, who wrote the book “Honest Signals” half of our decision making is typically from this unconscious channel. To me, this means that we unconsciously judge, perceive and assume someone’s level of skill based on their body language alone.
Tone of Voice
The way we speak, and how others interpret our tone is based on speed, volume, clarity and projection. As an experiment, I want you to say this sentence out loud one time in a normal toned pitch. The second time, change the first word to be at a much higher tone before coming back to your normal tone.
Sentence: “She didn’t finish her project on time”.
If done correctly, the first time you said this was probably framed as a statement, whereas the second time could have been perceived by someone as a judgment.
Delivery and tone is an unconscious way of communicating which can really affect how we are perceived by others in the workplace and how we perceive others when they speak to us.
Speech Patterns
If you’ve never heard of the term “The chameleon effect” this is where perception and behavioral patterns overlap. Just as a chameleon blends in with its surroundings by changing its color, we too match other people’s mannerisms unconsciously when engaged in conversation. Just by simply witnessing someone do something, you become more likely to repeat that behavior or action. This is why I like to say “your vibe attracts your tribe”. Pick wisely :)
Now that we’ve identified some unconscious patterns in the way we may communicate in the workplace. let’s talk about how we can use these themes when expressing our emotions with individuals and teams. In the book Non-Violent Communication there is a 4-step process that we should always follow.
4 Ways to Consciously Communicate
1. Observe without evaluation
This is where we observe what the other person is saying, and without judging, evaluating or trying to come up with a response, we simply listen and reflect back to them with open ended questions to see if what we are mirroring back to them is what they are actually feeling. Without this first crucial step, we may assume we know what the other person is feeling, without really knowing what the core trigger is.
Here’s an example:
Employee: I’m sick of back to back meetings. They are a waste of my time.
Manager: Is the fact that meetings are taking away from the time you could be working on other things bringing up frustration?
Employee: Not just that, but I don’t have time to prepare for the next meeting on my calendar because they always run over.
Manager: So because meetings are running over, you don’t feel equipped to lead your meetings with confidence?
Employee: Exactly! If I had less meetings I would have more time to prep, therefore being more efficient at my job.
Observing what the employee has to say is the first step. Let’s move on to step two.
2. Acknowledge the other person’s feelings
Using the example above, asking clarifying questions got us to the root of the issue which was the fact that this employee was starting to feel less confident because of the meetings piling up on her calendar. Without proper observation from step 1, we could have jumped to the conclusion that this employee was just stressed, when in reality she was trying to communicate how this situation was making her feel. Oftentimes, when employees come to us with a problem, it’s not the job that is the problem, it’s an unmet need from childhood that is being triggered based on a specific event. (In this case, the event was that there were too many meetings).
3. Express unmet needs
When a triggering event occurs, the unmet need from childhood makes its way to the surface and without properly attending to these unmet needs, we risk arguments or worse– employees leaving the job for not being seen & heard. In this specific example, this employees’ unmet need was not feeling confident. In order to help this employee through this, we have to then pose a clarifying question that empowers the employee to express what they need.
4. Request the desired behavior
Asking a question as simple as “What can we do so you can feel more confident in your job?” is really all it takes. When we request a desired behavior from our employees, they will gladly tell us what they need. But if you miss steps 1–3, that’s where you may fall short as a leader in your company.
Cheers,
Nicole
